Marriage in the Context of Love

By the Rev. Stuart E. Schadt

 

I want to talk about marriage in the context of other relationships.

 

Marriage is not separate and apart from other Human relationships. In fact the church pretty much has not been a supporter of practicing marriage. We kind of like the “ you either are married or you are not approach”. So we learn about being married by our observations of people who are married or I think more relevantly by our experiences of other relationships. To me marriage doesn’t stand-alone as a separate and distinct type of relationship but is on the continuum of our human experience.

 

Now I could give you experiences from my life but I thought stories from our common tradition might be more appealing.

 

Mother and Infant Maybe one of the most beautiful images of our tradition is the mother and infant, Mary and the baby Jesus, Studies tell us that it is in these earliest years that we really learn about bonding. It is why it is so important that young mothers and fathers be taught to hold their baby in a way to create security and talk to the child with eye contact and facial expressions.  I think there were probably some difficult babies in the bible. I can picture Elizabeth always chasing after John the Baptist saying leave those bees alone and take that locust out of your mouth. I think Samson was probably a difficult child and I think Adam and Eve probably had a lot of questions.

 

I think we fathers miss out on a lot in these early years because we have a hard time building bonds with this infant but that does not excuse us from trying.

 

At the heart of the Mother Child relationship is an incomprehensible bond of love not forged with words or deeds. Where ever we learn about love that is beyond words we are learning about marriage.

 

Abraham Another person to look at in scripture is Abraham. Abraham’s relationship issues could keep a psychiatrist busy for years.

 

Abraham breaks with his father and his people to follow the promise of the Lord. Twice in his journeys he tells people Sarah is his sister and not his wife because he thinks it will go better for him. I don’t think that is really a very good idea.

 

But I am really working toward one scene in Abraham’s life, but I am not there yet. If you remember Abraham’s first son is Ishmael born of his wife’s servant Hagar. His second son is Isaac born of his wife Sara. Ishmael is 14 when Isaac is born and Sara unhappy with this arrangement since the beginning pushes Abraham to cast out Hagar and Ishmael.  See how this would keep Abraham on the therapists couch for years. And I am not even going into the scene where he plans to sacrifice Isaac.

 

But the scene I am heading toward is the Burial of Abraham. Ishmael is eighty-nine when Abraham dies and Isaac is 75. Genesis 25:9 tells us “His sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Macpelah.”

 

To make too much out of one little verse may not be good scholarship but it can be good preaching. I see in the story of Abraham and his family and maybe especially his sons. The story of relationships that are tested, relationships that are strained and relationships that are broken. But it is also the story of forgiveness and renewal and transformation.

 

Where ever we learn about healing relationships and forgiveness in relationship of affection we are learning about marriage. But such healing requires staying in relationship.

 

 

Ruth and Naomi One of the most beautiful stories of Love in the Bible is the story of Ruth and Naomi.

 

If you remember Ruth a Moabite is married to the Son of Naomi. And when Naomi’s husband dies and when the Son dies Naomi decides to return to Israel. And she tries to send Ruth and her other Daughter in law back to their own people but Ruth says:

 

Do not press me to leave you
   or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
   where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
   and your God my God.

And so Naomi Takes Ruth the Moabite back to Israel with her.

 

It is a story about the bond between two women, it is a story for the people of Israel about the faithfulness of the stranger or the foreigner and it is a story about the faithfulness to God.

 

We are often ready to say we are not like those people. Whether they are different from us by nationality or language or skin color or religion or sexual orientation or any number of other things and yet time and again the ability to love, to be faithful transcends.

 

David Saul and Jonathan The final set of Biblical relationships I want to look at is the Triad of King Saul, his son Jonathon and the not yet King David. After David Slays Goliath Saul immediately brings him into the inner circle. As Jonathan and David first meet we are told the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  1 Samuel 18:1.

 

And then an amazing roller coaster of emotions happens. David sees Saul as a father and a father in law and yet Saul in Jealousy is turned against David. Jonathan tries to bring them together on several times and is finally accused of betrayal by his father.

 

In the end Saul and Jonathan die together in Battle and David laments:

 

the bow of Jonathan did not turn back,
   nor the sword of Saul return empty.

Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely!
   In life and in death they were not divided;
they were swifter than eagles,
   they were stronger than lions.

The story of the affection of Saul, David and Jonathon is a beautiful Story. I include it in my telling tonight because it is the story of missed opportunities to heal to reconnect. How often in life do we let those opportunities slip through our hands.

 

  

But we do learn the most by living into marriage.

 

 The qualities of marriage

 

Faithfulness

Forgiveness

Honesty

Trust

 

 Are also the qualities of all relationships. As we value good human relationships and learn to live into those relationships we learn to value marriage. Marriage does not exist in a vacuum but is one of many relationships that are part of the fabric of who we are.